In case you didn’t know, today’s Mother’s Day. So while we’re all singing their praises – or at least faking it – I’d like to celebrate by sharing some of the dumbest things I’ve heard from mothers. (Don’t worry mom, these aren’t all from you…just most of them.) 

- You can’t watch MTV. Madonna is a slut.
- If you ever get pregnant, I’ll kill you.
- It’s colder than a witch’s tit in the Klondike. (Moms should never use the “T” word. Don’t you agree?)

- I told you so.
- This is why I like your brother more.
- If you run away, you leave the way you came – with nothing. Give me your clothes.
- You killed Santa Claus
- Mom: Don’t say “fart.” Fart is a bad word.

Kids: What should we say then?
Mom: I don’t know make something up.
Kids: (after several discarded ideas) Snoopy sniffers?
Mom: That’s perfect!

- Mom: Don’t say “boogers.” Boogers is a bad word.

Kids: What should we say then?
Mom: I don’t know make something up.
Kids: (after several discarded ideas) Mousies?
Mom: That’s perfect!

- Mom: Who’s hungry? I made mouseloaf for dinner.

Kids: Eww! You put mousies in the meatloaf?
Mom: #$@*#$%!