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14 Signs a Stripper Is Terrible at Her Job

Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy' as a prostitute
Fox

Stripping isn’t exactly the ideal vocational choice for most women growing up. Or maybe it is — who are we to say?

While we’ve all heard the sad story of the young woman who dances down to her lady bits to make money to pay for college, the truth is stripping isn’t for everyone. Sure, you may have the body, but knowing how to shake your moneymaker for big bucks is another matter entirely. So, here are some ways you can tell if a stripper is so bad at her job that maybe she ought to consider a different career choice, like roadkill cleaner:

1. Her name is Kevin.

2. The only pole where she can dance is on a playground with a tetherball attached to it.

3. When a guy slips her a dollar, he asks for change.

4. She doesn’t have daddy issues.

5. It’s her day job. Seriously. She can’t get any night shifts and has to work overnights as a waitress.

6. She can’t afford one of the $12 Cokes that’s sold at her club.

7. Her dream is to be a consultant on ‘The Client List.’

8. She got her G-string at the dollar store, where it’s sold as a “D-string.”

9. When she comes out on stage, she excites men by dressing up as the seductive, enticing and alluring Kathy Bates.

10. She doesn’t have chlamydia.

11. The music she plays during her routine is ‘John Tesh Live at Red Rocks.’

12. The only magazine that will pay her to pose naked is ‘Saggy Illustrated.’

13. She offers to pay you for a lap dance.

14. When she tells people she’s looking for a sugar daddy, she’s actually referring to the candy.

Next: Have You Seen 'The Angry Stripper'?

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