Bad promotions seem to be a trend right now in the Midwest.

First, there was a Wisconsin golf course’s tasteless gimmick for people to play nine holes for $9.11 to commemorate the September 11 terrorist attacks. Then, there’s a pizzeria in Champaign, Illinois that recently offered women free pizza for showing their breasts.

There’s got to be a better way to see boobs at no charge. In fact, if you look around your house, there are plenty of things just taking up space that you can offer in the hopes some lady will show you her mounds.

Here are some ideas:

  • Your fantasy football championship trophies that no one cares about but you
  • The textbooks from that month you spent in college
  • The baseball card collection you were convinced would pay for your college education
  • Your Ryan Braun jersey
  • Your VHS copy of 'Under Siege 2'
  • Your broken Iron Sheik bobblehead doll
  • Your 'Saved By the Bell' fan club membership card
  • Your copy of Monopoly with the thimble and race car missing
  • Your Sports Illustrated sneaker phone
  • Your parachute pants

We'll show you our racks for that copy of 'Under Siege 2.' We're a full B-cup. Let us know.