‘Lindsay Lohan Struggling to Pay For Mansion’ and Other Celebrity News No One Cares About

According to Hollywoodlife, Lindsay Lohan can no longer afford to pay her rent. I normally don't feel sorry for celebrities, but this? This?! What's she supposed to do, find a place to live that costs less than $8,000 a month? Poor girl.

Speaking of shocking celebrity news, here are some headlines that will leave you speechless:

• Kim Kardashian's cat has died. In other news, I ate a bagel this morning.
• Speaking of dead pets, Miley Cyrus's dog has passed. RELATED: One time, my water frogs escaped from their cage and dried up on the floor under my bed, and I didn't find them for two weeks.
• Anne Hathaway's crotch is now on the internet. She apparently had an oopsie at the Les Miserables premiere. Do you think she skipped the panties because they don't fit anymore after her 25-pound weight loss? Or maybe because Fantine (the woman she plays in Les Mis) was too poor to afford clothing and Anne was still in character? Or do you think that maybe we should worry more about our own lives instead trying desperately to get a crotch shot of a poor girl just trying to get out of an effing car?
• Tom Brady made a funny joke about raising a daughter. He said, "I'm in trouble!" It's funny. He's funny.
• Megan Fox said that she was "screaming for an epidural when giving birth." Meanwhile, women in Africa are having babies in fields while catching dinner with a twig they whittled into a spear.
• JESSICA SIMPSON WENT OUT IN PUBLIC AGAIN.