Who cares about who won the presidential election or what a “Benghazi” is -- this is AMERICA, so let's get to the important headlines! Like, say, Justin Bieber wearing overalls and a backwards hat to meet Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper.

The Biebs was invited to this meeting to be given the "Most Successful Pre-Pubescent Lesbian Pretending To Be a Man-Child" award. Or, it may have been called something else, but the actual name of the award doesn't matter because all Jay Bee wants his Beliebers to know is that his wardrobe choice was totally justified ("Justin-fied"??) because he, like, JUST came from a fan meet and greet. What was he supposed to do, change his clothes?!

I can't even tell you how much that story enhanced my life. So much that I simply HAD to find other headlines of equal caliber (to make life worth living, you know?). Take a look at some of this life-altering information, and let it inspire you to greatness.

  • Shakira showed off her baby bump and wasn't wearing any makeup. I KNOW. I had to read that twice, too. But your eyes haven't fooled you. She had a baby bump. In public. Without makeup.
  • Robert Pattinson is looking for more "dangerous" movies roles. EXCEPT movie roles that require any real dialogue, acting or scenes where he can't just cringe and squint his eyes a lot.
  • Charlize Theron shaved her head for a movie role and is now bald. That's right -- no hair. What will she do next...BUY A LATTE?
  • Daniel Radcliffe finally made himself a Google+ profile, while the rest of us still remain three social networking sites ahead of him.
  • Simon Cowell was the victim of a prank caller. NOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT A PRANK CALLERRRRRR. There is no amount of black v-neck tees to fix this, Simon.

Aren't you glad you read this?