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Top 10 Things NOT to Do On St. Patrick’s Day

It’s Saint Patrick’s Day! And it’s Saturday! And the weather is amazing! That sounds like a recipe for disaster. So, to keep all the celebrations in check, I’ve compiled the following list to help you make it through the day:


Don’t skip breakfast



I don’t care if your eggs are green and you’re enjoying them with a cup of coffee spiked with Bailey’s. You need food in your system. And a lot of it.



Don’t forget the Sun Block



Sure, it’s March 17 but it feels like summer. So you’ll most likely be out in the sun for hours at a time. And, if everyone’s Irish today, that means you’ll burn. Badly.



Don’t fight



You’re going to get your ass kicked. You’ll swing and miss. It will be funny for everyone around you, until you start bleeding from hitting sidewalk.



Don’t take pictures next to or with policemen or police cars



They’re not amused. And whatever you do, DO NOT try to pet the K-9 cop.



Don’t drunk dial anyone



Not one person. I don’t care if it’s your mom’s birthday. You’re probably not going to be making sense and she doesn’t want to hear her baby slurring.



No sexting either



Ever. You’ll regret it. Maybe not tomorrow, but definitely come Monday.



Don’t ask to see someone’s shamrocks or leprechaun.



It’s St. Patrick’s Day, not Mardi Gras.



Don’t pee in the street, parking lots or shrubs



Or at least try your darnedest not to. No one needs to see your Irish curse.



No brainer here: don’t drive



I don’t care how “fine” you feel. You’re drunk and you know it. And the cops know it. They’re like Santa, they know if you’ve been bad or good.



Don’t drink green beer



It may look cool, but don’t drink green beer. It will look like you did the deed with a leprechaun. Plus, you’ll poop green. Really.


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