I’m not a baseball fan, but when I was offered two tickets to a recent Bisons game, I grabbed my hubby and headed on over. After all, what’s better than sitting out on a nice summer’s night, drinking a couple cold ones and eating some stadium food? But not having been there since I went to see the group Chicago perform after a game back in, let’s say, 1994, I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to experience.

First off, I now know why I always brought my mitt with me as a kid. Holy crap. After a while I gave up trying to duck and was hoping for a new nose job, paid for by the Bisons.

If I forgot to put on clothes before the game, I was in luck. They gave out more free t-shirts than bums give out stink lines. Seriously though, if the City Mission is looking for clothes, they should definitely visit Coca-Cola Field.

And whatever happened to peanuts and crackerjacks? I definitely didn’t see any of the latter, nor did I know that when I ordered a hot dog, I would have to choose between regular, footlong and sliders. If that was my only decision, I would have been OK. But there was so much to choose from – barbecue sandwiches, fried bologna, sausage, ice cream of the future, ice cream of the present, etc. Phew!

Lessons learned for the next time:

1) Wear a helmet
2) Eat a ton
3) When your pants get too tight, use a free tee-shirt as a muumuu