Although it’s been playing since October, I’m just starting to listen to Christmas music now. And, as I started my car the other night after work, I began singing along to “Winter Wonderland” and became totally confused.

What the heck does this mean? And furthermore, what does it imply?

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,
then pretend that he is Parson Brown.
He'll say ‘Are You Married?’ We'll say ‘No man,
but you can do the job when you're in town!’”

Um, what? What “job” are they referring to? Sounds kinky to me. And inappropriate for the holidays.

Then I looked it up.

It turns out, Parson Brown is the name of a Protestant minister. And he’s going to perform a marriage while he’s visiting.

Phew. Totally not what I thought he was going to “perform.” I have gone 32 years without knowing what that verse meant. How many of you are in the same boat?

While researching this, I found an alternative verse for this part of the song. Doesn’t it seem more appropriate – and less confusing – for this day and age?

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,
and pretend that he's a circus clown.
We'll have lots of fun with Mister Snowman,
until the other kiddies knock ‘im down!”

Maybe we can get Lady Gaga or Justin Bieber to record an updated version.