It never fails. It seems like just about every day, there’s a story on “tricks to flatter abs” or “workout tips to help you get thin.” Sure, I’m a dope and read these things because I hope for that little secret to help me be Hollywood skinny. But it’s the SSDD. (Same sh#t, different day.) Swap this for that. Get some sleep. Drink more water. Walk with a friend.

Blah. You want to know the secret? Eat right. And workout.

Boom. Mind blown, right?

Yes, I too wish for a secret little pill or serum that will let me eat whatever I want and not gain weight. I’m lazy. I like food (the greasy kind, not the leafy green kind). But the truth is, I can get as much sleep as possible and I’ll still never have Kate Hudson’s body. (And that girl had a baby!) Because I eat crappy food. And I don’t move that much.

The tips are great and all, but they’re no quick fix. Whoever said water fills you up is sadly mistaken. Or liar.

But I’ll keep on reading. Because I’m a sucker.

If only my boring salad tasted like French fries…sigh.