To make a joke about how Bryant Smith will be convicted in 30 minutes or less is like picking the lowest hanging fruit on the comedy tree, but we're not all that tall, folks.

The 47-year-old suburban Chicago man was charged with felony stalking after he made phony orders for 18 pizzas from four different restaurants to his ex-wife, who had previously filed a restraining order against him.

It wasn’t exactly hard for police to crack this extra cheesy case; the orders were placed online. The cops easily traced them back to Smith’s computer after the woman got in touch with authorities because she started receiving emails to confirm her orders. Wait, he used her email address??  So she would know that unwanted pizzas were on their way to her house?

Unsurprisingly, Smith has a long history of run-ins with the law. In the past he has been charged with slashing his ex-wife’s tires, and has convictions for burglary and possession of a stolen vehicle. Here’s hoping he is ordered to pay for 18 more pizzas, so his ex can invite over all her friends and celebrate the fact he’s locked up.

Way to go, Mr. Smith. You failed at pulling a prank that was popular among preteens in the ‘80s, before caller ID ruined our lives. No wonder why your wife wanted out of the marriage, there's nothing worse than a bad prank; the least you could’ve done was order pizzas with anchovies, and use a payphone. The devil is in the details, Bryant; see us after class.