Happy Birthday to the sister that stole the show at the Royal Wedding. No, not Elton John, we’re talking about PMiddy herself Pippa Middleton. The butt seen round the world turns 28 today. Happy Birthday Pippa. Hope the day finds you happy, healthy and partying half-naked on a private yacht under the watchful lens of a million paparazzi.

Now, on to more pressing issues, like when the hell is the United States going to get on board the royalty bandwagon? The United States needs kings, queens and monarchs to fawn over. In fact, let’s make it a reality show competition. America’s First Royals. There are singing shows, weight loss shows, talent shows, dance shows and hundreds of other competitions for the talentless so why not a show to find America’s first king and queen? Pippa can hop over the pond as a guest judge. Eh, screw it, just fast forward right to the swimsuit competition then just make Pippa the queen. All in favor say nice arse!

We love Pippa for her wild ways and her “who gives a crap if in a round about way I’m related to royalty” attitude. Oh and her butt. Did we mention her butt? We like that too.

Video is mildly NSFW