No Valentine This Year? Theres a Holiday For That
Valentines Day puts so much pressure on having that “special someone.” But here at Jack we say why celebrate at all? When there are other perfectly awesome holidays the day before, the day of, and the day after Valentines Day. So get rid of the heart shaped cookies and the naked baby angels because there is way cooler crap to be celebrating.
For instance February 13th is Get a Different Name Day. How cool is that? For the whole day you get to just change your name. This is the perfect way to ignore anyone you don’t want to speak to or stick it to your parents for naming you something like Gaylord or Maurice. And guess what? you’re not even being rude because it’s a national holiday. The 13th isn’t only for name changing, it is also National Tortellini Day. I don’t know about you but I would much rather be wolfing down different tortellini dishes all day than eating those disgusting “Be Mine” heart candies.
Believe it or not February 14th is not just reserved for Hallmark gift cards and over priced chocolates. It is also National Organ Donor Day and National Ferris Wheel Day. So don’t sit around and cut up stupid paper hearts, do something more fun like donating one. How does Valentines Day trump Organ Donor Day? Last time I checked saving lives was way more important than giving flowers to a future ex-girlfriend. Also, shouldn’t we be taking this day to honor George Washington Gale Ferris Jr. the inventor of the Ferris Wheel. Without this dude we wouldn’t have the best part
of every carnival besides funnel cakes and dunk tanks. So don’t waste your time buying stuffed teddy bears and bunnies. Get all your friends and hit up a carnie and ride the heck out of a Ferris Wheel!
On February 15th when all your “couple friends” are done celebrating their love for each other, you will be celebrating National Gum Drop Day and Singles Awareness Day. This is clearly a day to eat enormous amounts of gum drop candies and get wasted with your single friends to celebrate the fact that you are single and proud. So hit up your local bar and cheers to everyone who wasn’t forced to buy flowers, eat anything heart shaped, or lie to their significant other about how perfect they are. Because without us singles of the world there would be no one to live vicariously through.
To kick off these Anti-Valentines day celebrations hit up Dingen’s Bar & Grill on February 12th at 10pm and take part in their Anti-Valentines Dance Party. Come on isn’t time to kick cupid to the curb?
*Contributed by Veronica Grossman