A story surfaced this week about a new website taking colleges by storm: eduhookups.com. Created by whom I assume is a video-gaming virgin at the University of Chicago, this site allows co-eds to search for, you guessed it, booty.

Here’s a sample listing titled, “Get Laid Tonight” from Columbia College Chicago:

Section: Casuals
Category: men4women
Date: Thursday, March 31st, 2011 01:52 PM

Looking for a cute college girl, with her own place preferably, to fool around with tonight. I'm serious, I hope you are as well. I hear this site is supposed to have better results than craigslist, hope it's true!

Allow me to translate:
I’m online because I’m ugly and can only function if I have at least one hand on a computer at all times. You need your own place because my mom doesn’t like it when I have guests over (even though I rarely do). I need to fool around because I’ve never felt a woman’s touch before. I’m serious because I cannot graduate college a virgin. My 10-year-old sister will never let me live it down. My only Craiglist experience turned out to be with my Uncle Frank posing as a woman. I almost bought it, but I started to get suspicious when I tasted his brand of cigars on his lips and he called my dog by his name.

How’d I do? Let’s look at another one. Here’s one titled, “Frat star looking for some fun” from the University of Chicago:

Section: Casuals
Category: men4women
Date: Tuesday, March 8th, 2011 11:06 PM

Hey ladies, looking for a frat star to rock your world? Let’s meet up, I may even superman you with my letters.

I don’t know about you, but where I went to college, no “frat guy” had to solicit sex, especially not the “star.” That’s what’s great about fraternities. They have revolving doors with endless ass. I don’t know who this guy thinks he’s fooling. The fact that he’s referencing a comic book character in a sex act says everything you need to know.

As you can imagine, many of the listings were oh so interesting and, to no one’s surprise, predominantly “men4women.” From “Creature of the Night” to “Tell Me How You Like It” to “Creepy Grad Student” (I wish I was making this up), I had some good laughs and could go on for pages writing about this. (I chose to leave out the “World of Warcraft” listing, as I really couldn’t translate it since I’ve never lived in my parents’ basement.)

Hopefully these love seekers didn’t put all their eggs in one basket and held onto the super-sized bottle of Jergens.