National Stupid Guy Thing Day
Finally a holiday for the ladies! Today is National Stupid Guy Thing Day, which means us girls can vent about all the stupid things guys do. A couple of our female interns took a survey and put together a list in spirit of this national holiday. We promise that it’s all in good fun because we’re afraid you’re going to forget our birthday…again. Remember, we’re not criticizing you, we’re offering friendly advice that you’d be stupid not to take:
1.) For the last time, we’ve never seen that episode of Family Guy.
Every single guy we’ve ever met can repeat an entire episode from his favorite TV show- Family Guy. We’re going to let all you cartoon fan boys in on a little secret: we have not and never will see “that” episode of Family Guy. We get it, Peter is hilarious. And the talking baby? Genius stuff. But no matter how many times you insist on quoting an episode to us, we will still not have seen it and it will still not be funny.
2.) Stop scratching “down there.”
We always notice. Half of you don’t bother hiding it and the other half of you think you’re hiding it, but we still see you doing it. A few things go through our heads every time you decide to scratch your nether regions right in front of us: “I can’t believe he is doing that. Why is he doing that in front of me? I need to go wash my eyes out. I really hope that’s not what I think it is. Please don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me. Please don’t touch me.”
3.) Stop asking us to introduce you to our friends.
I lied, most of my friends are single. I just tell you that they all have boyfriends because they would never date you and I don’t want to hurt your feelings. It would help your chances if you didn’t talk down every single girl you’ve ever been with. Why would we want to set up our best friends with a guy who has zero respect for women?
4.) We get it, you can drink a lot.
We think it’s super manly when you drink too much and pass out next to us on a couch. How did you know that’s the way to a girl’s heart? And in the morning, when you brag about how much you drank and ask for our number, we can barely resist ripping your clothes off right then and there. And uh, if that number doesn’t work when you try to call us, we’re really sorry.
5.) Nice guys don’t finish last. You do.
Girls like nice guys. We like guys who’ll take the time to buy us a drink. We don’t like guys who buy us a drink and then won’t leave our side all night. If you spend $2 on a mixed drink for us does that mean you bought all of our time too? Here’s some advice, all those “jerks” your jealous of buy us drinks, take our number, and then walk away.
6.) Telling us you workout when you don’t.
Girls don’t care if you go to the gym. We only care when you tell us you’re still “in the process” of losing weight, but then spend your weekend downing beers and Denny’s. We understand that you’re trying to impress us, but there is nothing impressive about lying.
7.) Pat us on the head.
Is it just me or do guys like to rub girl’s heads like they’re a pet chihuahua? We put a lot of time and effort into doing our hair in order to impress you. But then you pat us on the head and we’re left wondering if you’re going to give us a dog treat too.