Here is how the cheesy late-90′s stand-up comic buried deep in our subconscious would report this story:

“Hey folks! Did you read the story in the Northwest Herald today about a guy in Illinois that found $150K in his backyard garden? Talk about growing some cabbage! Am I right folks? Those are a different kind of greens my friends! You hear what I’m saying everyone?!?”

“Inside that bag was another bag. And inside that bag were stacks of cash, all $20 bills. After he found the bag about 3:30 p.m. Monday at his home on Oakleaf Ave. in an unincorporated area near Johnsburg, Sabaj called police. They found a second bag with more money.”

“Talk about your garden variety crimes am I right folks?!? But seriously, police might never find the people responsible for burying the money, so I guess you can say they are going to ‘beet’ the charges. This is almost too easy. ‘Lettuce’ move on to another topic.”

This trip back in time reminds us how much we miss Gallagher. Let’s do something about that.

[Northwest Herald]