How to Convince Your Family You Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner [#SAVETHANKSGIVING]
It’s important on Thanksgiving Day for family and friends to come together, but the real reason we all put up with each other for an entire day is that delectable turkey dinner that this holiday is really about. So, want to impress those crazy people you call your relatives? Well, here’s a way you’ll be able to trick your family, who expects little to nothing of you, into thinking you’ve cooked from scratch a deliciously sophisticated meal.If you do this right, your alcoholic aunt may even upgrade you to the adult table for Christmas dinner this year!
Step one: Create the illusion of hours of preparation in your kitchen by hiring a neighborhood boy (preferably 10-13 years old) and giving him $10 to throw flour, spices and dishes around your kitchen while you run to the store.
At the store, it is essential that you pick up the following items: five pre-cooked rotisserie chickens (you must later claim to your guests that they are cornish game hens), four cans of corn, five cans of beans, two cans of cranberry sauce, two boxes of five-minute potatoes and stuffing, rolls, two ready-to-serve pies, any food-scented candles you can find and a label creator (I’ll explain later).
Now that you’re home and pleased to see that the neighborhood boy has confined his mess to the kitchen, put on an apron and roll around on the ground to give yourself that “Iron Chef” look.
Luckily, all the ingredients you bought can be warmed up or prepared in the microwave! So get to microwaving and setting up your table, and don’t forget to start lighting those food-scented candles, preferably in hidden places.
It is now time for your family to arrive, and your last step is making labels for the wine bottles whose labels you have removed. Convincing your family that you have your own brand of wine will really impress them. Let’s see Aunt Betty top that at her Christmas dinner!
Though the illusion of cooking may have been more involved than actually doing it, you have finally succeeded in impressing your family! Just remember that everyone must see your kitchen and you in your messy apron. Most importantly, don’t forget to set aside a bottle of wine for yourself — you know how holidays with your family can be!
Emily Leschhorn contributed to this article