Gay People Caused Hurricane Sandy, Apparently
UGH, gay people, right? They just can’t seem to keep their little same-sex-lovin’ fingers out of trouble! Well, now they’ve really gone and done it. Last year, New York State did something silly and passed the Marriage Equality Act, allowing same-sex couples to marry…each other! (“Oh no they di’int!” said Adam & Eve.) And because of that, it was obviously only a matter of time before we were punished with a natural disaster. (“Happiness? Equality? Totes my least fav things, lol,” said Jesus.)
What I’m saying is that all of the death, destruction and devastation that Hurricane Sandy dropped on the East Coast last week is allllll thanks to the gay community. And, if you don’t believe me, just ask Preacher John McTernan or Rabbi Noson Leiter, two men who firmly believe that the hurricane was retribution from God Himself for New York’s same-sex marriage legislation.
All of this got me thinking: If gay people caused all of this, what else could they be responsible for? They’ve always been a very suspicious group of people — I mean, they want to “be with the person they love” and be “treated equally.” If that doesn’t make you raise an eyebrow, then I don’t know what will.
Here are a few Qs with a few A’s that I came up with to help you see what I mean:
Q. What really happened to the dinosaurs?
A. Gay people.
Q. Why do we sometimes say “nothing” instead of “good” when people say “How are you?”
A. Because of gay people.
Q. Why was my pizza too cold yesterday?
A. Definitely gay people.
Q. Why do babies cry so much?
A. They’re gay babies.
Q. Did Amelia Earhart die in the Bermuda Triangle?
A. Probably, because the Bermuda Triangle is super gay.
Q. Why does Katherine Heigl play the same character in every movie?
Q. Why can’t we travel back in time yet?
A. Because we should be focusing on moving forward into time where right-wing maniacs are sitting in padded rooms instead of making erroneous accusations at innocent groups of people.