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Five of the Craziest ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Theories

Getty Images/Warner Bros./MGM

Is Bane a stand-in for Occupy Wall Street? Does Bruce Wayne fight for an oligarchical status quo? Is Gotham meant as an allegory for reign-of-terror France?

Please, please Internet – you aren’t trying hard enough. I come to you for insane ‘Dark Knight Rises’ theories predicated on mere whiffs of fancy, not somewhat-rational interpretations rooted in context clues. It looks like I’m going to have to do the work ALL BY MYSELF.


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1

‘The Dark Knight Rises’ is an Anti-Bush Metaphor

 
 

Many people agree that “The Dark Knight” was, on some level, a consideration of some of the hardline defensive measures the Bush administration took during the War on Terror. That cellphone sonar was a big fat apology for Guantanamo Bay, deal with it.

But what to make about “The Dark Knight Rises?” A writing team as concerned with specificity as Christopher and Jonathan Nolan would not choose for Bruce Wayne/Batman to absent for EIGHT YEARS without good reason. Clearly, this time period, equivalent to two presidential terms, is meant to mean our time with the Texan.

Batman’s actions represented a paranoid right wing and the 8 years of the Dent Act, slowly eating away at our civil rights in the name of security, were what really caused Gotham to stay corrupt. Its police force atrophied, its businesses shied away from charity, its work toward new fuel sources stalled. With the Dark Knight “rising” at the conclusion of the film, a new face, one filled with hope, is here to lead our society to a brighter future.

 
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2

Catwoman is Bisexual

 
 

Selena Kyle may be sipping anisette with Bruce Wayne in Tuscany in Alfred’s mind, but her heart belongs to Holly Robinson. If it blazed by too quickly (and you never read Frank Miller’s comics) I’m talking about the scrappy li’l roomie/thievery accomplice Juno Temple played. Clearly, she and Kyle have an intimate relationship. There’s no way these two could live together and hate the establishment that much without firing back at the Patriarchy between the sheets.

Nolan’s not known for his ribaldry, hence the Sapphic subtlety, but we’ve got an eye for these things and we caught it.

 
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3

Lucious Fox is the Military-Industrial Complex

 
 

No one, not even tree-hugging hippies, wants to send the workers of Northrop Grumman to the unemployment line. What about the people who work in their cafeterias, or merely push papers around? Surely they deserve to get a paycheck.

So we look the other way when they devise new and more devious ways in which to murder people.

Same goes for Lucius Fox. He’s a nice fellow. He wears a bowtie and his voice sounds like PBS. He isn’t bothering anybody in Applied Sciences, tinkering away with his tools and reactors.

Or is he?

 
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4

Alfred Represents the Batman Fanboys

 
 

Alfred was raised in a family that worked “in service.” He’s devoted his life to his Master, Bruce Wayne, like an obsessive nerd with longboxes, cardboard backings and plastic bags with advanced polymers for indefatigable adhesion. All Alfred wants, really, is to preserve Bruce Wayne. When he tries to better himself through travel or heal the world around him through sartorially complex vigilante acts, Alfred either yells or cries.

The guy clearly has some issues of regression and projects most of his fears and longings onto others. Dude clearly needs a girlfriend.

 
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5

Batman = Rocky?

 
 

Okay, we got nothing here – but the movie just came out. But since we’re drawing a blank, let’s turn to Chris Rock, who thinks ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ is a lot like ‘Rocky III’…

 

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