Britt Hayes is a writer, movie lover, and sensible sweater enthusiast living in Austin, Texas. She watches too much TV and never eats her vegetables.
Britt Hayes
Rumor Time: Woody Harrelson Might Be Playing Carnage in ‘Venom’
In what will definitely be one of the wildest rumors you hear all week, Woody Harrelson might be playing the villainous Carnage in Sony’s Venom movie.
Watch Jeff Goldblum Read Your Thirsty Jeff Goldblum Tweets
The only thing — literally the only thing — missing from this Buzzfeed video of Jeff Goldblum reading the thirstiest tweets about Jeff Goldblum is my own thirsty tweets about Jeff Goldblum. Other than that, my fictional husband gives the sexiest performance of his lifetime in what is otherwise an immaculate video featuring some of the most hot and bothered and wildly inappropriate comments about h
‘Black Panther’ Is Getting a Sequel, Obviously
You’ve seen the box office numbers, right? Marvel’s Black Panther is a record-breaking, massive success — so it shouldn’t come as any surprise to learn that the King of Wakanda is getting his very own sequel. At this point, it would only really be news if Marvel lost their damn minds and decided not to make a Black Panther sequel. I mean, it’d basically be definitive proof that we live in the Bad Place.
‘The Shape of Water’ Oscar Win Inspired a Lot of People to Buy That Fish Man Sex Toy
In The Shape of Water, Sally Hawkins plays a mute cleaning woman who falls in love with a magical fish man (Doug Jones) and promptly fulfills our pervy hopes and dreams by — spoilers, I guess? — consummating the relationship. Unfortunately for us pervs, we never get to see his, um, fish stick, and although Hawkins’ character cutely explains how his aquatic appendage works via a few hand signs, it leaves a lot to the imagination. Thanks to advances in technology and manufacturing, we don’t have to imagine what that dang ol’ dongle looks like because now there’s a sex toy.
Man Arrested for Stealing Frances McDormand’s Oscar Last Night
After delivering the acceptance speech of the night (and inspiring everyone to frantically Google “inclusion rider”), Frances McDormand was tragically separated from her Best Actress Oscar when a man — because of course it was a man — had the nerve to steal it from her at the Governors Awards ball. Thankfully, the separation was brief, as McDormand and her little golden friend were reunited, at which point they enjoyed a post-Oscars trip to In-N-Out burger. Meanwhile, the suspect has been arrested for felony grand theft.
Adam Sandler Sang Some Really Filthy Songs in the NYC Subway
Today’s youth (and some adults — ugh, we’re so old) probably know Adam Sandler best from movies like Grown-Ups and his more recent Netflix releases. But some say they’ve heard whispers of a before time, when Adam Sandler was on SNL, and when he starred in movies that people really liked and that were actually released in theaters…they’ve even heard rumors that the ol’ Sandman once released comedic albums on mythical relics known as “cassette tapes” and “compact discs.” Children, everything you’ve heard is true.
Jessica Chastain in Talks to Play Adult Beverly in ‘IT’ Sequel
As it turns out, the internet was finally good for something.
Michael Bay Might Direct DC’s ‘Lobo’ Movie…Wait, What?
Depending on how you feel about Michael Bay and / or the DC Comics character Lobo, the idea of the former directing a movie about the latter is kind of perfect — either because they’re both awful, or because Lobo, a giant blue-skinned alien bounty hunter ripped from the cover of an Iron Maiden album, is right in Bay’s explosive, in-your-face wheelhouse. Regardless of your personal feelings on the matter, Michael Bay might be directing his very first superhero movie, and of course it’s for DC Films.
‘Men in Black’ Reboot Eyes ‘Fate of the Furious‘ Director F. Gary Gray
To answer your first question: No, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are not returning. And to answer your second question: No, this isn’t that 21 Jump Street spinoff / crossover.
TV Fave Michelle MacLaren to Direct Chris Pratt’s ‘Cowboy Ninja Viking’
If you, like me, have been following Michelle MacLaren’s career closely since the Breaking Bad days, then you’ll be stoked about this news: The acclaimed television director has finally landed a blockbuster gig. MacLaren has signed on to helm Chris Pratt’s Cowboy Ninja Viking, the upcoming action flick based on the graphic novel of the same name.