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92 Things to do Instead of Complain About the Heat


Yeah, so with the heat index, it’s supposed to be over 90 degrees today. Whoopdi-friggin-do. Chances are, you can’t do much of anything without someone bringing up just how hot it’s supposed to be today. So before you go ballistic on the next person to remind you that it’s “gonna be a scorcher,” we put together a list of 92 33 things you can do instead.

  1. Complain about “No Goal”
  2. Go get wet
  3. Learn how to look super cool tossing your bud a beer
  4. Meet Chuck, the guy who’s taking over JackFM on Friday
  5. Spend an unreasonable amount of time checking out that redhead from Mad Men’s cleavage
  6. Plan a day of golf — but not today, because it’s just too damn hot
  7. Find the perfect song to accompany your daddy issues
  8. Add to your list of “Places I Don’t Want to Work…EVER”
  9. Learn how to stop drinking
  10. Fail at #9 and find the cheapest beer near you
  11. Quit your job
  12. Give up on ever being healthy
  13. Find out that the one thing you’re good at — burping — someone is way better at
  14. Check out everything you missed by not being at Bonnaroo this year
  16. Make fun of TO, feel better about yourself. Realize he’s still worth millions, feel worse.
  17. Learn about people who are bigger badasses than you
  18. Look at some cool graffiti
  19. Call me, maybe?
  20. Tell your grandma she stinks
  21. Get upset about beer prices at the 2012 Summer Olympics. Pretend that’s the reason you’re not going. Feel better about still living in your mom’s house.
  22. Learn what happens to a former model as she ages
  23. Get more info on Holland, N.Y.’s only hot chick
  24. DO NOT read this story on Octomom getting naked
  25. Find out when we’re all gonna die
  26. Make out at a drive-in
  27. Lose all confidence in your ability to put together a romantic marriage proposal
  28. Play all 100 of the greatest games ever
  29. Mark your calendars for the remaining Buffalo summer festivals
  30. Use our birthday party as an excuse to look at girls in bikinis
  31. Collect $500 from JackFM for reading this far
  32. Write a list of 92 things to do instead of bitch about the heat
  33. Fail at writing that list

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