8 Ways to De-Stress in December

Whether you’re preparing for final exams, avoiding a trampling at the mall or a gearing up for an extended visit from the in-laws, the month of December can be grueling. Sure, there’s the holiday spirit or whatever, but somehow this time of year isn’t as fun as when you were a kid, when your biggest worries were cutting snowflakes out of construction paper and remembering to not lick telephone poles.

Wouldn’t it be great to be that stress-free again? Here are a few tips on how to remain calm this holiday season.

1. HOLD AN ANIMAL

Just hold an animal. Borrow a friend’s cat or pick up a tame squirrel. Animals are great for reducing stress. It’s scientifically proven.

2. DELEGATE

Enlist other friends and family members to help you with shopping, cleaning and cooking. Threaten them at knifepoint to ensure cooperation.

3. EXERCISE

Exercise creates endorphins, which are tiny scientific body chemicals used for happiness (I’m paraphrasing an article I read once). Those chemicals give you the clarity to make good decisions. Like announcing at the dinner table, “Santa’s not real, kids! WHERE’S THE VODKA?”

4. VENT

Now is the perfect time of year to collect the names of all those people you can’t stand but send holiday cards to anyway and make voodoo dolls for each and every one of them. Stabbing them with sharp pins will DEFINITELY help de-stress your day.

5. PHYSICAL AFFECTION

Another way to boost endorphins is to get frisky. So, do that. Do that a lot. Even if you’re single, there are plenty of desperate people at bars drinking away the fact that they’re alone for yet ANOTHER Christmas, so it should be pretty easy.

6. GET ENOUGH SLEEP

If your boss finds you passed out at your keyboard, just refer them to this article and they will forgive you. You are, after all, DE-STRESSING.

7. CREATE A PLAN

In fact, create like, 78 plans. Spend a lot of time writing those plans down on paper. Make a ton of lists, too. Just keep making lists and plans until eventually someone else does whatever it was that you were supposed to do and you can just go back to focusing on steps No. 1 and 6.

8. CREATE A HOLIDAY PLAYLIST

But get sidetracked while going through your iTunes and end up categorizing your entire library by album, artist and the mood each song typically puts you in. The sense of accomplishment will be overwhelming, and you will forget all about taking that dumb pie out of the oven.